Although it happened many years ago, when I was barely eight and a half, I can remember that night with an amazing clarity. I mean how often does a young girl find herself out in the middle of the desert at midnight, surrounded by a pack of hot, tracking wolves. They fucked me too. It was the first time but certainly not the last. I've grown to love the wildness of being fucked by wolves. But I'm getting a little ahead of my story so let me begin slightly before that night...to give you some perception and background.
August of '99...
He wanted me. I could read it in his hazel eyes from the first moment he laid eyes on me. I didn't realize how basic the attraction that first day when I was brought to his small, desolate home in the Texas desert. He is my mother's older brother, Bobby. Now, of course, I know that his real sexual turn-on, the one that always makes him hard and ready, is young girls just the age I was when I came to live and play with him. Some things never change. Uncle Bob is one man who still loves having a lonely and affectionate little sweetie pie sitting on his lap. I was just such a little vixen-in-waiting when I was dropped into his waiting arms that hot, August day in El Paso.
My dad was an asshole drunk who got himself killed during one wild night of racing up and down the side of a mountain on his dirt bike when I was only three and a half. One miscalculation was all it took. I never really knew him. My poor mom tried to keep it all together but she took up with a series of other assholes who used her, abused her, and finally got her sent up on a drug-smuggling charge. I was left in the dust at a foster home until the welfare people got hold of my mom's only close kin; Uncle Bobby.
Lucky for me, he was willing to take me in. I didn't much like the foster family. They ignored me mostly 'cause they just wanted that money voucher I earned them. So, I was pretty eager to like Uncle Bobby and he, well, let's just say, he was predisposed to like me back. Real well.
Anyway, I get lost now and then. I'm a kinda wordy storyteller so please bear with me. I want to share my thoughts and feelings about the whole process that led me to my uncle, his puppies, and of course, the desert wolves. I'm trying to write it down and sort it all out finally.
I came into El Paso on a hot, dry day in late August. The lady from welfare and I arrived sweaty, tired and ready to be out of that greyhound bus. She was anxious to get his signature on her paperwork and head back to her own home and family. I was torn between excitement at meeting my uncle and nervousness at the drastic change in my life.
We were nearly the last ones to exit that day. She looked around, searching every face, seeking a sign of recognition from the small, scraggly group of men outside the station. I spotted him first. He was tall, lean and watchful as he lounged against the far wall. Somehow, I just knew he was the one. My uncle Bobby. My family now.
After a long moment, he smiled at me and extricated himself from his place in the shade and walked slowly forward to where I waited with my legal guardian. Watching and wondering, I stood there staring at my uncle. I liked his smile though. It was soft and welcoming. Kinda shylike even. A contradiction to the hardness I sensed in his spare body. This is me of nearly twenty years later, assessing his impact on me. Back then, I was a curious little kitten, hoping he would hold me and make me feel safe. Nothing more; nothing less. Children are so simple.
"Bob Dickson, Ma'am. I'm here to take Annie home." He held out his hand to me and I looked up at him. After a few seconds, I placed my small, slender one into his and was rewarded by a strong, firm grasp that warmed me thoroughly.
Mrs. Merryweather or whatever her name was, beamed at him. "Oh, good! I'm so glad you were here to meet us. I can take an earlier bus back." I tuned them out and studied this man who had agreed to take me in and raise me. He looked a little like my mommy but he had his own look too. I liked his eyes although they scared me a little. From time to time as they talked and he signed some papers, he would notice me studying him and smile. I was very reassured by that smile. I can still remember right now, the impact it had. It was calming. I felt safe with him. He would take charge and I liked that feeling.
Just about a half an hour later, we were saying our goodbyes to the welfare lady and walking towards his car. It was some black car, real dusty from his long ride to fetch me. He opened the door and held it until I got inside. I felt like a big lady then and gave me him one of my own rare smiles of appreciation. My small bag he tossed easily into the back seat and rounded the car to take his seat next to me. We buckled up together.
"So, Annie, you ready for the desert?" he asked. I didn't understand what he meant but nodded my head anyway. "My puppies will be glad to see you." He continued. I perked up at that. "Puppies?" I inquired, "what kind of puppies?" His answer was perfect, "white and black." He spoke my language. "Boys or girls?" I wondered. "One of each" floated back as he turned to start up the car. I sunk back into the bucket seat and prepared for the long ride back to his house...our house now.
I slept most of the way. Tired from the travel, the excitement of the anticipation of my new life in the southern Texas desert, and the drastic loss of my mother. My eyelids were heavy and I drifted off to sleep. We drove for hours. From time to time, I'd look up to see my uncle's profile. He always seemed to sense my searching gaze and would smile down at me. One time I awoke to find my head on his lap. It felt good lying there. Facing his blue-jeaned crotch. I could smell his man smells. I liked his smell. But I was small and tired so I slept on.
The next thing I remember was being shaken awake by my uncle. I was totally disoriented and it was very dark. I could see some lights glowing from his front windows. Little beacons of light beckoning me. I stumbled forward drunken with sleep and tripped over a rock in the pathway. I skinned my knee and sat in the dirt crying like a baby. Wailing actually. It was a great release for all the tension and emotions that had built up inside me.
Wisely, my uncle left me alone and unloaded some groceries and my bag from his car. I sat out there, in the quiet desert night, punctuating it with my howls until I was rushed by two furry puppies. They knocked me flat on my back, one of them standing on my bony chest, licking my face. Two hot, wet doggy tongues licked and bussed me everywhere. I forgot to cry then. The exuberant welcome from his puppies were the perfect tonic for my youthful fright tears. We rolled around in the dust for a few moments, me half-heartedly trying to get away and them just as determined to have me. Uncle Bobby stood on his porch, smoking and watching us. It all felt very natural to me and I loved it.
"Okay, puppies, let's get that girl into the house. It's late." I looked up surprised at the close proximity of his soft, deep voice. He moved so fast, like a tall, sleek cat. Silently and with strength. Leaning down, he plucked me easily from the pile and lifted me clear from the puppies. "Later, puppies, Annie needs to get cleaned up for bed." I rode on his arm as he turned back toward the house. Unconsciously, I wrapped my skinny little arms around the neck of my new guardian. Night had come to the desert and I was a part of it now.
This story is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
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Changes last made on: Monday, August 23, 1999