I tried; I really did try to keep my hands off of her. But she was just too beautiful, too much of a golden child for me to resist. I was twenty-nine years old when I gave birth to my daughter. She was the fairest of the fair. As she lay in my arms and nursed for the first time, I watched her and fell in love. There was nothing but maternal pride in her. The other feelings would come later, but not much later.
Those first few days were glorious. Except for the pain in my breasts from milk engorgement and the fact that my nipples began to crack and bleed and of course there's the afterbirth pains that a woman feels for the first few times a baby nurses, I was in heaven. I could handle a little bit of pain from nursing. After the pain of having natural childbirth, it was nothing. I went home after the second day and snuggled in for the winter. I didn't have to go out of the condo where I lived unless I absolutely had to buy something. I had stocked up on everything that I could possibly need for a siege prior to Leigh's birth. I even had gallons of frozen milk in my freezer so that I was ready for every contingency.
Leigh's bassinet was in my bedroom and the spare bedroom overflowed with diapers and diaper wipes. I had quit smoking and drinking months before when I had first found out I was pregnant. There was nothing that I would run out of and I was set to stay in for months if need be. The winters here in Nebraska are cold and hard and I had done everything I could to prepare. I was alone now except for Leigh. The ex had finally said his adios and departed for an unknown domain. I had a few thousand tucked back in a savings account and right now, all was right in my world.
My whole world revolved around the baby girl. She became the center of my universe. I would sit and rock her for hours as she lay in my arms and nursed or lay slack mouthed with tiny drops of my milk clinging to her lips. When the need for sleep came to me, I would take her with me and keep her snuggled in my arms as I lay to rest. We were never apart.
Christmas came and went and we celebrated by baking a cake for this, our first Christmas together. Phonecalls were few and far between. I had virtually no contact with the outside world. Leigh was my all. Bath times became a ritual of play. I would turn up the thermostat to high and I would take her with me into the tub. After a few months, she could sit up in her tub ring on her own. I would splay my legs around her protectively, just in case the ring didn't do its job. I had installed a shower massage with a long hose so that I wouldn't have to do anything but sit in the tub with Leigh.
This story is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
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Changes last made on: Friday, June 22, 2001